i didn’t know what to call this post.
Magic seems ok. I think it’s because everything lately seems more magical than usual. I’m referring to magic in a way not everyone may think of it. I’m meaning it as the moments that you don’t see coming, the ones that happen and after you have to ask yourself why that happened. I’m talking about the ones that crept in from the backdoor because they’re too awkward to ring the doorbell. I’m talking about the ones that have everything to do with an increase in sensory perception. Paradise wasn’t just two months ago when I went inside a cave seven times the size of a football stadium. It was this morning, with her, having her coffee. Thank you Jonny cash for that well used and overstated quote I admire and never tire of.
You know what I’m thankful for? Omens. Tiffany Williamson if you’re reading this you better know I give you credit and I can literally hear your voice. Omens. There definitely that fine line between not following them or looking absolutely insane from doing just that. But I think that given the option, definitely choose to follow it. Because if you don’t,
You might miss the magic.
If I had to pick the most magical things in the world and by magical I am now referring to a magic that sends an electric sensation down your spine while at the same time makes your legs kick up, heart burn, eyes swell, and time stop. It would be encounters in which joy slips out of your skeletal body, past the vulnerability, entering into a space where nothing will satisfy except the turning over of honesty and the realization nothing can stop this moment from exploding out. Because it is your destiny.
I have an intimacy with nature that is only getting deeper and deeper the more I explore. At this point I can’t even tell if I sound crazy when I talk about it because my mind has just adjusted to this primitive way of thinking. Or I choose to not let go what I have flowing through my mind. But sometimes it feels good to let it out which is why I’ve decided to keep this blog going until I no longer have anything else to talk about. Usually I keep my writing private, in my notebooks. It’s this territorial intimate thing I have going on, like the one with nature, but I don’t know, something lately just has to leak out. So I’m going to ramble about how I was rooted in India, in the way that a tree holds itself to the ground until maybe it falls down or is cut down prematurely, and then rots or is used for other purposes. I’m going to ramble about how I am a woman of the moon and that every woman is, actually, and the sooner I understood this about myself the sooner things started making sense energetically speaking about the astounding capabilities of our human body. For me, nature and music have carried my soul home. They are my magic.
I didn’t have to do this. I didn’t have to follow this path of questioning and letting go. Age doesn’t matter…I could’ve ignored my heart. I chose this path. I want to feel this, this aching and longing, otherwise I wouldn’t have done what I did. I wouldn’t have left with only a months preparation to a country I knew no one in by myself, then proceeded to seven total, extended and challenged myself to go for a year. And now home, still facing the reality this journey, it is not over. It is a lifetime. This path has led to more emotion, realization, and surrender than I could’ve imagined. See I’ve already been to the edge and back with religion. And something I did when I practiced Christianity was to surrender my faith to God and Jesus Christ and he would then take care of the rest. Amd the rest of the religions in the world whether they’re praying to Lord Shiva, Allah, or their Messiah, they are turning to someone. I don’t believe a higher existence is attained like that. I believe a higher existence reveals itself to those who seek deeply within themselves. And this path is not easy but the growth and wonder this planet and Galaxy contains cannot be limited to any holy book or church. Find your peace, search for this without stopping your fears before they turn into love. Because love, that is magic. And it actually seems that’s what everyone’s looking for. We are all the same. Everyone has white bones. Amd mixed together, we are grey.
I found myself writing in all different places
Tryna’ attempt to fill these spaces
Nothing’s changed except time passing by
Another mile gone, another birthday song
Glimmers of magic bleeding out anyway
Finding fate real, come what may
Words can’t go the distance to meet how shadows feel
Hands pressed to heart before I kneel
To the ground and pick myself up again
Telling myself you gotta begin
To scrape the darkness in the mind
Waiting and wishing for loyalty’s kind
Saying aren’t we all just facing our demons
But you don’t require what I need for existence.
So with every new day
Another revelation and I gotta say
Living to the edge and back
Has nothing to do with where you’re at.
So let me cry and leave tears damp
As the candle quickens I carry the lamp
To the light of home
Under a moon made brighter
By the sun alone